The High Priest of Happy Hour

“The Road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.“
William Blake

A couple of months ago I reconnected with a good friend from a few years ago. At the time we were both working in a bar in a downtown Chicago. It was like working in a war zone at times, and the stories we accumulated over those years were truly priceless.

I first met this guy on an elevator when I bumped into him when was applying for a job. That was almost ten years ago now but I still remember it well. He was 21 at the time, and we went through more than our share of passages as we tore through these years together.

Eventually he became a cop and I became a therapist. At the time nobody who knew either one of us would likely have predicted that, but life takes unpredictable turns. The point is we put that part of our lives to bed, knowing that we had a pretty wild run that we emerged from miraculously still alive and kicking.

A couple of years passed, and he found me online. It’s always nice to catch up with old friends, but it’s something I’ve been terribly lax about. Anyway we went out for drinks a couple of times, and he told me he was getting married. I was in for a shock however when he asked me if I would consider getting ordained online and performing and writing the wedding ceremony.

To back up for a second I was not only not religious, but so hedonistic for so many years I thought I would start on fire if I stepped into a church. Even still I was intrigued, and accepted the assignment with great gusto.

So I set about writing the ceremony. Which I have included here-

Hello everyone and welcome…..We are here today to celebrate the union of Emily and Kevin ….It’s a sacred day a wedding day…..And these two may only have 2 or 3 more of them in their entire lives…So let’s everyone try and pay attention please.

I never would have guessed when I bumped into this guy in an elevator 10 years ago that I would be performing his wedding ceremony….At the time I would have placed odds we would have met back up in jail….But here we are….He a cop and me a priest…Well an internet priest anyway……My license expires in a half hour so lets get this show on the road…

In all seriousness…….We are here today because two people solved life’s most perplexing mystery and fell in love…I take that back…..Not two people…Three actually…Any conversation about these two has to include their beautiful daughter Nola, who I know Kevin has fallen in love with as well…….I’ve never seen him so happy and so filled with a sense of purpose, and I know that having these two ladies in his life is the best thing that ever happened to him….

When I’m not faking being a priest I work as a marriage counselor…I see a lot of couples that have lost their way…And often a big part of what they’ve lost is their senses of humor….I can’t imagine that ever happening to these two…..They are two of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and after spending a little time with Nola it’s clear that there will soon be a third class clown in the family……Jean Houston said “At the height of laughter the universe is thrown into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” My guess is that laughter will be the lifeblood of this family’s interactions, and that they will grow and thrive as they laugh their way through life together…

I know for these two, there is no job they take more seriously than being parents, and I can’t imagine Nola being in finer hands as she makes her way through life….So Nola, to paraphrase another high priest like myself named Bob Dylan,

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever young, forever young

Try and remember these words as you grow older….But on the other hand bear in mind that their may be times you’re the only adult in the house…..I’ve seen your dad whine when the White Sox lose…

So although this is a wonderful day and a happy time, I would be remiss in my duties to suggest marriage is easy. As many of you here know, it may be the hardest yet most rewarding thing a person can ever do. Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Seems pretty accurate…Marriage is the ultimate test of cooperation, and cooperation is pretty hard without forgiveness….Deep down we are all a little broken and miswired…As you go through your life together please keep this in mind….

And marriage is also unpredictable… A favorite quote of mine on this subject comes from Gilda Radner who found her own true love Gene Wilder later in her life…

“I always wanted a happy ending… Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”

And so guys, remember that there’s a lot of stuff you can’t even see right now…You will argue, you will fight, and you will do the silly, petty, and ridiculous things humans do.. You will survive this because you have learned to laugh together…..A simple look around should show you how many of us are rooting for you 3 to have a wonderful life together…..I know I speak for everyone in this room when I say we love you and wish you the best on this terrifying rollercoaster you are about to jump aboard…You may scream, you may protest, and you may even feel like yelling at the deranged Carny to stop the ride….But in the end, the fun you have together will I’m sure make it all worth the trip……

The reason why I have included this vignette is to demonstrate a point about friendship. So often we get lazy about putting in the time and effort to maintain friendships and they just kind of wither away and die. Because my friend took the time to find me, I am now a part of one of the most significant days of his life. The fun we had that day and the story of me performing his wedding ceremony will I’m sure be something we remember when we are old men, and it happened because he was willing to do a little extra work to stay in touch.

So perhaps the lesson is to work hard at maintain these friendships, as the dividends echo much longer than we may realize. I have attended several funerals where person after person says the most glowing things about the deceased, while also acknowledging that they had unfortunately lost touch with the person over the years. What a shame this is, that people often go to their graves not knowing how everyone felt about them.

So looking back now as an officially ordained “reverend” I realize again that there is a strange serendipity in the fact that I was ordained to help bring people together, when this perfectly describes how I am trying to make sense of the world right now. How and why do we all fit together like we do? How is it that you can bump into one guy on an elevator and perform his wedding ceremony, while you walk blindly by others who may have been a doorway to some other fascinating new experiences? I’m not sure I know the answer to any of these questions, but what I do know is that I want to know as many of my fellow travelers as possible while I try and figure it out.